Friday, May 30, 2008


its not a good day. still missing cory. mom got the call that the ashes are ready. i am going to go see her this afternoon. i think tomorrow will be our family dedication. and what not. only time will help. i did watch some old footage the other night. watching cory run around and just be her. was actually comforting. i need to find some other videos from her first couple of years. the ones i watched were from about 7 years ago.

on a happier note. it is time. the event of the year. well there might be other events. but the most anticipated movie is premiering today. we are dressing up. drinking cosmos. and attending the 8:45 showing of Sex and the City: the movie. i have been told i can not critique the movie until every one who reads my beloved blog has had a chance to watch the movie as well. this will be tough. but i of course respect those wishes. and would never want to be the one to ruin the movie. i have cleared myself of the media. and am trying to walk into the theater with an open mind. and heart. and that i will fall in love all over again. (ha. sounds like a movie trailer).

Thursday, May 29, 2008

back to the future

through the bawling sessions this past weekend. i was able to visit with many relatives. and also engage in small town living. it still amazes me. every time i go back to visit my granny. nothing has really changed. it is still the slow pace. simple life. of a small mid-western town. everyone knows everyone else. and we spend the majority of the time. reminiscing and figuring out what happened to everyone they have met along the way. i recognize a few names here and there.

the majority of my relatives i see in spurts. and after the normal questions of. how are you. whats new. then the million dollar question comes. it never fails. so where is your boyfriend. and then when i mention i am not in a serious relationship. its like. oh well. whats left to talk about. i usually politely answer. with a no not right now. or something silly. but after awhile. i get sick of feeling like i am the weirdo. who is not married. who is not impregnated. or a mother. and i want to scream. no i am not married. and some how. it must be a miracle. but i am able to get out of bed every morning. put my clothes on the same way as you. and live a normal. happy life. maybe its the fangs or the horns that come out after night. scares away the men. or i am sure they all wonder if i am. gasp. a lesbian. i also then usually get a lecture or am told not to follow in all the foot steps of my cousins. the mistakes they have made in their love life (were they really mistakes...hmmm...who am i to judge). because apparently i am the responsible one. or one of the last ones left to coach. luckily my mother does not play into this. and stands up for me.

i was also able to visit graves of many of my relatives who have since passed. again. being the responsible one. i think i fall into the category of being the one to keep the tradition going. and visit all the graves on memorial day. when the older generation joins them. and pay respect for all the family members. it is nice to know all this history. and to still have the tradition. as sometimes i feel being so far away. you can get removed from the whole time line and history behind your existence.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

sweet. gentle. giant

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

cory lynn love

this weekend has been extremely hard. i lost a family member. a best friend. our one and only family puppy dog.

my mom and i had just left a nice coffee/tea party with some of her classmates. her cell phone rang and it was brother. i thought it was odd. but not much. until she pulled the car over to the side of the road. and we stopped. he was doing most of the talking. a knot started to grow in my stomach. i remember she said something about 'she'. when she hung up. i asked what happened. through her tears she said cory had a stroke. she went to the vet. and is back home.

i went a bit hysterical. this was the last place i wanted to be. i couldnt stop saying how much i wanted to be with her. to hold her. like i held her the day we brought her home. and she shook the whole way from the breeder in iowa. it was up and down the rest of the weekend. mainly waterworks from me. i just couldnt stop thinking about her.

on saturday evening when i called. brother answered. i couldnt get a word out without choking up. he reassured me everything was going to be fine. she was getting better. his gentle tone. the familiarity in his voice. as he has said this to me many times before. i believed him. or i wanted to believe him. she was showing signs of recovery. we would see her on monday.

when i called back on sunday. after her second shot of steriods. my father answered. when i heard the tears in his voice. i knew it was not good. she hadnt moved. couldnt move. she didnt sleep. she was in pain. it was time.

he drove her to the vet sunday afternoon. in the truck. with as he says. her favorite song playing. puppy love. he had to leave her on the table. after he gave her a big hug. and told her that we loved her. we have her ashes coming to the house. where we will be able to distribute among her yard and favorite park.

it came so sudden. just wanted to be able to hug my bear one last time. to smell her. (as crazy as it sounds. i loved the way she smelled). to feel her fur. her soft ears with my face. to think of a new nickname for her. to lay her head on my lap and massage her ears. or rub her belly.

cory lynn love. came to us as unexpectedly as she left. she was just one month shy of her 13th birthday. as much as you think you can prepare. it never does make it easier.

cory. baby cakes. simba. curry. bear. and the many more names we had for her. we love you. and will blow you kisses in the wind. every chance i get.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Walentine, nebr.

as mentioned previously this week. i am off to granny's house this weekend. we leave tomorrow morning for the 7.5 hr car ride. as marked out below. although actual blue line is not accurate by highways or anything.

this means i will be traveling into a time warp. going back 10 years. not really personally. but it is a very small town. no cell phone reception. you can still buy Petite Nate bath splash at alco. the highlight of the week is driving your car up to the fence of the baseball field to watch the legion team play ball. and of course going to the local drive in. and getting a cone of the best sherbet or soft serve ever. to be proceeded by cruising up and down main street. maybe hitting up the sweet heart gardens if you are of age.

so farewell for a couple of days. i will take lots of pics. and be ready to post when i get back to normal civilization next week. have a safe and happy holiday weekend. toodle loo.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

battle zone

i was fired up yesterday. there was one person that gets under my skin. makes me want to leap out of my chair. and attack. claws out. fangs showing. i would claw this person. get all my frustration out. and then probably feel bad. for a second. no. no. i am not an evil person. not violent. unless. the buttons are pushed. hence why i spent the majority of my childhood attacking brother. locking him out of the house. writing evil notes. putting things in the bottom of his bed. it was war all the time.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


it is in the air. i have some big things coming up in the next couple of weeks. things that keep me from focusing. sitting still for too long. make me jump up and down. stand on my chair. and scream. do cartwheels. stand on my head and spit nickels. (never understood that one). is it possible?
  • going to granny's house this weekend (not looking forward to the long drive). but it will be some good qt time with pat. and granny. and bruno. i suppose. not to mention all the cousins. and pat's new vehicle has the ipod hook-up so we can listen to tunes. even when the radio goes out.
  • sex and the city. movie. next week. aaahh. i can hardly wait. it better be good. otherwise. it might be a long time before i get this feeling of excitement.
  • birthday celebration. same night as satc movie. cheers!
  • actual birthday. which means dinner. drinks. ice cream cake. and presents.
  • more birthday celebration for mother and cory lynn love.
  • stacy comes back to ks for a visit
so over the weekend i sat out on a clients deck. it was after a day of volleyball. (all i wanted to do was spike. and slam the ball. in yo' face. my attempt was sad. but the ref laughed = success). anywho. didnt put on the ol' spf. stupid. this was one of the first times my chest had a full on sun exposure. i then looked like lobster woman. opposed to lobster girl from my childhood. so then on monday morning. pre coffee. trying to get my coffee. everyone who encountered me. decided it was a good time to point out. the obvious. oh. looks like you got some sun. what did you do. i kid you not. i mean it was just a little ridiculous the amount of people. so hadnt had my coffee yet. i dont like talking to people in the a.m. so i smugged them. made a couple of short comments back. and then proceeded to mock them. its sunny out. people get sun burnt. it happens. and i will never say this to someone. make the obvious comments of sun exposure. because as everyone knows. me = perfect. and i am done venting.

Monday, May 19, 2008

birthday and balloons

yesterday was madmax's 2nd birthday party. i showed up fashionably late with the most perfect gift. thats what everyone thinks right. i found this huge. giant. dump truck. (that was later used as a ride for the littles). a shovel. also huge. (that was later used to hit the furniture). and a bubble machine in the shape of a lion. i went for the outdoor theme. but really wanted to find a book about dump trucks. no such luck.

afterwards. i stayed and babysat. so twoyulies. husband. and in-laws could go to a nice dinner. we then had some fun with balloons. after carrying them around in the kitchen/living room. the kiddies discovered the entry way. with tall ceilings. this is what happened next. also featured sister madeline. or as i like to refer to her as my mini me.

and then we spent our time. acting out an episode of scooby-doo. as mad's says: trying to solve a mystery. of how to get the balloons back. the shovel came in handy. i was able to grab all but one standing over the railing on the second floor. the lonely green balloon will just have to fall later.

bad hat

spotted. outside americas pub. on a wednesday evening. 6ish. bad hat. terrible choice. i dont know her. not friends. but if i were her friend. i would tell this to her face. its that bad. also when cropping realized there was an ad for a competitor of dog sitting on the new recycle bin.

Friday, May 16, 2008


no energy to write anything today. some coworkers and i from yesterday. my bowling was shameful. but my 3 splits in a row. and that wasnt with the pins. i was told was impressive. my sofa is calling my name.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

out of the gutter

tomorrow is our annual agency day. i say annual. i have only been here for less than two years. and this is my second. so i think it happens every year. last year it was in june. at a park. and i had just got back from vacation. so it was a really nice way to come back. and ease into things.

we get broken up into teams. play games. drink a lot of beer. i for one. say a lot of innapproriate things. that luckily have never come back to haunt me. lets hope for that same record tomorrow. and then we go to an after bar. and expected to make it into work on time. and be functional. luckily it is my half day on friday. so i am out at noon. hopefully.

i played a lot of football last year. during the free time. we are going bowling this year. so wont be the same. i guess not as many people liked being outside. in the sun. i embraced it. well this was also after frying myself at the beach for a week.

it is also a time to get to know new coworkers. share memories. and basically branch out of your cube. ahh. how friendships blossom.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


i watched this movie the other night. waitress. i explained to jeff this afternoon. that some days i just feel like watching a movie. and not having to think about it. the majority of the time i despise chick flicks. but those tend to be the non-thinkers. unless i go pixar. i just dont buy into the whole romantic fairytale. and the predictability of it all. i usually spend the whole time. this would never happen. what a bunch of crap. so after holding 'p.s. i love you' in my hand. i thought better. i decided on waitress.

it had two actors from two of my favorite shows. keri russell from felicity. oh i didnt love it when it was on. but it replayed for about two years on saturday mornings a couple of years ago. my saturday morning routine consisted of. moving from my bed to couch. watching 2 hours of felicity. during which i would make my soft boiled eggs. toast with grape jelly. (no other flavors of jelly should exist). and coffee. then decide on the rest of my day. usually turned into more tv watching. flip that house marathons = love.

ok. back on track. so the other favorite actor. is jeremy sisto. a character from six feet under. which used to consume my evenings. i rented the whole series on netflix. and watched it in a span of about 3 months. once i received a new dvd. i watched 3 hours straight. and sent it back the next morning. i think i have already mentioned my tv watching problem.

so during this movie. waitress. russell's character only wants to make pies. thats all she wants to do. her life sucks. thats all that makes her happy. besides something else. but wont spoil this hit. ha. and all her pies are named after events happening in her life. so i was thinking. feeling inspired. one of her pies was a quiche. with brie cheese. and ham. so tomorrow night. when i make my quiche for jeremiah. i might try to experiment. he doesnt like veggies. so i dont think my other somewhat greek quiche will work. but maybe a new cheese. and meat might come into play.

also. i havent collected my earnings. will find out more this weekend. garage sale = great success. hurray. it was quoted that people asked for me to come back again. couldnt get enough of my old treasures. maybe it will cover the new desk i spotted at peir one.

Monday, May 12, 2008

its a circle

i had writers block today. just went through the day. couldnt think of much to say. and then it hit me on the drive home. a close friend lost his grandmother over the weekend. and i cant help but think about it. about how it must feel. and to try to keep going through the motions of everyday life. when you just want to scream. because you are in such pain inside.

i am lucky that i have not experienced this yet. all my grandparents are living. (knock on wood. a little superstitious. and a black cat crossed my path last night). one grandfather did pass away. but that was before my birth. i was named after him. so i do think about him. but granny remarried. and her husband has filled in those shoes.

there has been one person very close to me. and it hit me hard. still does. there are always the what ifs. and the should haves. good days. bad days. moments where it feels surreal. its an awful thing. especially to the young. my friend was 24. i am sure many have had younger.

i am not a religious person. i like to think more spiritual. and although it might be a blogging no-no. to talk about these things. i know that all good people do go to a better place. where you reunite with old friends. family. and loves.

so i will make my friend a quiche. (his favorite). and be there for him and his family.

and now i am crying...ugh.

Friday, May 9, 2008

ode to mom & d.c.

this weekend will be time spent to celebrate my mother. or pat. patti. patrish. patricia j. woman. pakelekia. pit. babydoll. but usually mom. or woman. cant go wrong there. so to thank her for all her days of taking care of her fam. i will honor her with my presence. a lot. leave it to smokin' joe (father) to plan a fun filled family weekend. starting saturday afternoon with a movie. then dinner. and the best. is brunch on sunday at 1924 main. i am even jealous of myself. ha.

so enjoy your mothers' company this weekend. give her an extra long hug. a smooch. or even a phone call. but be appreciative for mums are the greatest. even when i was told to suck on my spit on long car rides when i whined of thirst. or usually when i get told to stop whining the majority of the time. she raised me well. and i only hope to make her proud everyday.

enough mush. lets discuss my morning activities. besides the holiday on sunday. today in kc was announced as david cook day. i have never been a big fan of a.i. or american idol. but this season. mid-way. i tuned in for the boy from kc. also b/c my cubie mates' bff dated this guy. love the six degrees of separation. well and also. there hasnt been a whole lot of good shows on right now. so after our nightly runs. lil joj and i make dinner and have a.i. on in the background.

this morning he had a free concert downtown. so i of course jumped on the wagon to go. we left the office with no time to spare. and showed up along with hundreds of other david cook crazies. the excitement was intense. we could hear the blazing crowd scream. the closer we got to the venue. and then. from out of nowwhere. a city bus hit my friend when we crossed the street. and we never made. ha. no probably not something to kid about. but we did make it. and spent our time trying to get closer. and closer. so here are some highlights of the show. he played two songs. thanked everyone. teared up. and then walked through the crowd of screaming fans. we were out of there in 20 mins.

and here are the two boys i am watching this weekend. the longest clients i have had. i think its been three years. riley is the spastic weimaraner dog. curls up into a tiny ball. and sleeps by my head. simon. is the bassett hound. who i have carried up and down stairs. but he is better now. and only needs my help to get on and off the bed.

Thursday, May 8, 2008


i am kind of a pack rat. you wouldnt think i could literally hold on to as much stuff as i do with all my moving. but it happens. i have a hard time letting go. in the back of my mind i always think. hmm. i wonder if this will come in handy some day. maybe a halloween costume. or theme party. funny. because i think i have heard my dad say the same thing. you really do turn into your parents. ha. he has held on to this awesome. leopard print. corduroy. blazer since the 70s (?). i hope to someday have something like that. make the kiddos think i am cool.

i have since decided i have way too much crap for one person. and half of it has sat in boxes in our garage for a year. i have over the last couple of months been more apt to throw things in a bag for donation. or in this case a garage sale. it just so happens. two yulies is hosting a huge sale this weekend. so i will be driving my five large bins of stuff over to her house. thats right. and it feels great. to purge. cleanse. and release.

i had some club tops from college. really going to need those. no. skirts that dont even fit. tops that are too short. shoes. oh. i tried to say goodbye. it was hard. purses. yep. cut that collection in half. i even found sweaters in a drawer. i had not opened that drawer since last summer when i moved in. when i opened it. i screamed. i had totally forgot about them. now that says something. wow.

there is some good to being a pack rat. like when LEMonade was visiting. when i was handing out items i had nestled in my drawers. she said how much she loved it when i did this. my freebies. if i have something. but dont use it. i give it to friends. could be clothes. jewelry. hair products. again. i have a lot of crap for one person. but you know. there are those glorious moments when i can dig something out that i have held onto. and it has made a come back to be used again.

i once had this fantastic idea to start an ebay business. i loaded up a trunk full of things from my parents garage. and it never left. i never got started. and instead i sold that car. so after being a storage place for a while. it all went right back into the garage.

i hope this a profitable sale. and if it isnt. it has actually already been one for me. it was a great feeling to rid myself of so much baggage. ha.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

knock, knock

who's there. reality. renter i am. and renter i shall be.
or i have been toying with the idea of living out of my car. my work only charges $80 for a spot per month. then i could really save some money. and my parents also like to provide their house to brother and i as a storage unit.
oh well. i will try not to be so dramatic. but its a yucky day out. and i feel like whining. blah.

on a good side. as my father reminded me yesterday. it is almost summer. and the warm weather is on its way. to stay. and that means float trips. pool time. boating. glee!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

call me crazy

but i am seriously. researching. pondering. stressing. waking up during the night with anxiety. about where i should call home next. funny. my bff stac. and fellow army brat. just added a post to her blog about all the places she has lived. 20 places in 25 years. i am not sure if i can top this. but maybe i will try...
  1. Washington house -- Kansas City
  2. Jeremiah Santos house -- Roeland Park
  3. Glenwood apartment-- Mission
  4. Jeanne Court -- LV
  5. Old Monterey apartments -- Springfield
  6. National house -- Springfield
  7. Sunset house -- Springfield
  8. New Hall dorm room -- Springfield
  9. Hammons dorm room -- Sprinegfield
  10. Jeanne Court -- LV
  11. 14 Str -- LV
  12. NahoKupa Place -- Hawaii
  13. Maine
  14. Boston
  15. Germany
  16. 14th Str -- LV, KS
  17. Another house in Salt Lake City (i think)
  18. house when i was born in Salt Lake City, Utah
So she has me beat by 2. forgive me for not remembering all my street names. stac. might be the only time you can beat me at a memory game. dang it.

but this leads to my next predicament. when i move in two months. do i want to keep this chain going. or do i look for someplace more permanent. i am seriously thinking of buying a condo. gasp. i know. this is a major step. is it rushing it. what all do i need to think about it. this has taken up the majority of my time today. and it didnt help i found something over lunch. double whammy. so now i can only get excited. when i think. and talk about it. i dont know if i will hit a brick wall of reality. but usually once i get an idea in my head. i dont stop. dont stop thinking. dwelling. analyzing. until i have achieved. could be a problem. but i am seriously trying to think of a time when it has lead me to wish i had not. i guess it is called impulsive. but you know it always seems to work itself out in the end. so let the quest continue.

Monday, May 5, 2008

derby day

so me and 14 other people picked the winning horse on saturday. well at our party. not bad though. i came out with a profit of $21. (with winner circle below -- when i thought i only had to split the winnings with 4). and i am positive if there had been a hat contest. i would have medaled. maybe next year...

it was kind of chilly. but we were able to make the best of it. drink another cosmo to stay warm. ha. my first drink was a mint julep. but that didnt tickle my fancy. so after forcing myself to choke down half of my $9 drink. i switched to a cosmo mint mojito. delightful.

Friday, May 2, 2008


storm chasing has always been a hobby. (when i say storm chasing, its not like helen hunt, but we take some risks). we have many videos of us watching the eye of the storm. okay. again. might not be THE eye of the storm. but the cloud formations. the colors. and just watching it all change. is fascinating.

during the storms. i am usually the one to help keep the drama down. there were many times when i was forced into bath tubs. and to take other safety precautions. when i thought we were just being silly. i guess. since i have (bragging rights). survived two bad hurricanes. the fear has been shaken out of me. but then again. i am always calm. cool. and collective in emergency situations. no need to panic people.

please read va va va blooms posting for our storm chasing last night. i was the driver. while lil one put her photo journalistic skills to work.

i did not however care for the wind. and rain. and chill. while walking to work. luckily i had my pink rain jacket. i put my hood on. tightened the strings. and screamed the whole way. i thought may first would bring may flowers. not more showers. ha.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


someone had the polaroid handy. and a scanner. ha. now if only i could remember why we are making fists. to show our muscles. and look like morons.


i feel like i have been a total debbie the past two posts. debbie downer. on a rage.

but today is May Day. so it should be a happy day. funny. because i dont think i ever celebrated the holiday until college. (is it a holiday. discuss). my gal pals and i somehow got involved in SAC. student activities council. it was through this campus organization we were able to meet celebs like woody harrelson. steve corwin. and many others. who knew being on the lectures committee could be so cool. i just liked sidewalk chalking.

one of SAC's big activities each year was may day. it was held outside the student union. and was pretty much a huge carnival. with free pizza. music. games. fun. and a concert at the end of the day. i wish i had our polaroid pic from that day. but since its a polaroid. and i dont have a scanner at this very moment. its lost. just the four of us being stupid in front of the bronze. giant. mascot bear. i think stac has mine anyway. but i think i still have the ugly volunteer staff. bright yellow. t-shirt in my closet. at the bottom of the pile.

anyway. it pretty nice outside today. had a nice walk to work. sans the crazy wind. could go with out that. but it helped to make my morning a tad bit more cheerful than normal.

tomorrow is the corporate challenge kick off party. one of the items being judge during our party. is spirit. or a cheer. so now i am pondering the ultimate cheer. i have something in mind. the amount of beverages consumed prior to the cheer off. well that could determine the outcome. i am also team captain of the walk. too bad it is a non medaling event. i have a feeling with my training for GF08. i could totally walk away with a gold.