its a circle

i had writers block today. just went through the day. couldnt think of much to say. and then it hit me on the drive home. a close friend lost his grandmother over the weekend. and i cant help but think about it. about how it must feel. and to try to keep going through the motions of everyday life. when you just want to scream. because you are in such pain inside.

i am lucky that i have not experienced this yet. all my grandparents are living. (knock on wood. a little superstitious. and a black cat crossed my path last night). one grandfather did pass away. but that was before my birth. i was named after him. so i do think about him. but granny remarried. and her husband has filled in those shoes.

there has been one person very close to me. and it hit me hard. still does. there are always the what ifs. and the should haves. good days. bad days. moments where it feels surreal. its an awful thing. especially to the young. my friend was 24. i am sure many have had younger.

i am not a religious person. i like to think more spiritual. and although it might be a blogging no-no. to talk about these things. i know that all good people do go to a better place. where you reunite with old friends. family. and loves.

so i will make my friend a quiche. (his favorite). and be there for him and his family.

and now i am crying...ugh.